The hook up
by Blackfan81
Summary: Never put something on which you can't take off! Vala finds herself in a pinch and hooks up with an unsuspecting Daniel.
1. Chapter 1

**The hook-up**

"Vala" Daniels voice was strained, "Don't move!"

"But you are lying on top of med darling, and as much as I find this experience fascinating, it's not the right time or place. And you're heavy."

Having made plans with Mitchell, Daniel had decided to try out the new climbing wall that had been installed at the SGC, early one morning, desperately hoping that no one (note: Vala) would be there. He was wrong, of course. Whose voice was the first one he heard? The one and only Vala Mal Doran. Having been cooped up at the SGC for more than two weeks now, she had finally been able to "persuade" General Landry to allow her to visit the nearest airstrip and make her first ever parachute jump. Having turned to television after her failed attempt with reading, intending to learn more about earth culture, Vala had discovered extreme sport. As there were no missions planned for SG-1 for another week she was more or less driving everyone on base demented, herself included. So, having had more than a few willing young airmen assist her in showing how the equipment worked, she usually checked it a few times a day. This morning though, she had decided to try it on, without anyone there to help her get it off. It turned out to be a big mistake, as she realised that she had been more interested in flirting with the blushing airmen that actually listening to what they were trying to explain. She realised this when she couldn't get it off. That's when she heard steps going past the door to the rec rooms. As fast as she could she followed. On arrival she found Daniel gearing up to go climbing. He looked rather silly in that harness he wore, even though it extenuated certain of his attributes.

With a sigh, Daniel turned around.

"Vala"

"Daniel" Vala smiled, "I am in somewhat of a peril. I can't get it off" pointing to her own harness like gear.

"Right. Let me see." Daniel approached her.

"Are you sure you don't want to come?"

"You have already asked, twice. The answer is still no."

"It'll be so much fun."

"We have some different definitions on fun. For me, that doesn't include jumping out of a plane."

Daniel tried to open the front buckle on Vala's harness, but to now use. He checked the different straps and tried to find another way to unbuckle the buckle. No luck. He started to turn away, looking for something to cut her out of the harness when he felt her hands on his hips.

"Vala!" Before he could pry her hands away, she had grabbed one of the climbing hooks he had strapped to his harness and of some ungodly reason attached it to her harness. Without first removing it from his. _Super_._ Now what_?

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!"

"There is no need to shout Daniel. I am standing right here. I just thought that since you being so much larger than myself that we could use your body weight as a force to pry open the buckle and free me."

"And just exactly HOW did you imagine us doing that?!"

"Well, just give me a minute and let me think."

_Never a good sign._

"Just fantastic. No! Vala, don't, move!"

--------------

Mitchell, on his way to join Daniel on the climbing wall, had just put his hand on the door when he heard Vala and Jackson arguing and then a loud thud. He froze. _What the hell?_ Ever since that incident in Daniel's office a few days ago, he had just been waiting for something more to happen. There was something going on between the two of them. What, he wasn't sure of, but knowing Vala's love of mischief and capability to irritate Jackson, it wasn't something good. At least not for Jackson. He hesitated.

--------------

The fell, tangled to the floor. He landed on top of her with such force that it momentarily made her loose her breath. Daniel couldn't even think. Not like this. Not with HER like this. She started to move again and he realised that if she just moved slightly to his left, she would understand why she shouldn't. Worst case scenario, it would just entice her to move even more.

"Don't move!" _Are you trying to kill me?_ Daniel tried to reach with his hand the hook where they accidentally had been joined. Knowing Vala though, he wasn't too sure it had been an accident.

He could feel Vala's legs rap around him and he swore and cursed profusely beneath his breath. "Vala, DON'T!" Before he could say another word, he was somehow flipped around and found himself flat back on the ground with Vala straddling him. He had never been as uncomfortable in his life with Vala looking down at him from a position that was highly suggestive. She gave him a brief smile when she felt the source of his apparent discomfort. "Daniel, are you happy to see me?"

"No"

"Are you sure?" She placed her hands on either side of his face and leaned forward. Daniels vision was blurred by a cascade of black hair. He blatantly refused to look her in the eye. She laughed softly inches above his head. "I am sorry, darling. But we seem to be destined to hook up"

Daniel tried to manage his wits and raised his hand to her hips, found the strap and followed it a few inches until he found the hook. Just as he feared, their tumble had somehow damaged it. He couldn't get it to open. How was it that this was the only thing he couldn't get up?

Mitchell chose that exact moment to enter the room.

"Mitchell!" Vala's face lit up. "It would seem as though Daniel and I find ourselves in somewhat of a pinch. Could you possibly provide assistance?"

Mitchell locked at Vala, then at Jackson lying on the floor, clearly uncomfortable, then back at a smiling Vala again. He wasn't too sure on how to interpret what he saw, but made an informed decision, buried his head in the sand, metaphorically speaking and fled, rather than just exiting the room. Whatever was up with the two of them, he did not want any part of it.

"Now what?" Vala looked down at Daniel. She wiggled slightly. _Oh, please God, kill me now_! "Scissors" was the only thing he could get out, clamping his jaw together, trying to refrain himself from any sudden movements. As if that was not enough, Vala lowered her body flat onto his. It was his time to hold his breath. She rolled off him within seconds though, onto the floor on her side, taking him with her. Face to face.

"I think we can probably try to get up now." She looked at him still holding his breath. He let out a grunt and nodded. Slowly they sat up, came to their knees and rose. Daniel was frustrated, flustered and a whole lot of things he didn't even want to think about. He cast her a quick glance.

"I have a pair in my office."

Vala raised an eyebrow.

"Scissors. I used them just a few days ago. Remember?!"

Vala raised her hand to where Daniel had removed the clip.

"Right. Slowly"

It was still early. If they were so lucky, they wouldn't run into anyone. He hoped. Two seconds later he wished himself off the Pegasus galaxy.

"Daniel?"

"Jack!"

Even the city of Celestis looked kind of good right about now.


	2. Chapter 2

"Jack. I…"

"You're well I presume?"

"I'm.."

"Out for a morning walk, perhaps?"

"Jack, hrm," Daniel tried to make his voice sound as normal as possible, "what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same." As he said that, Jack gazed at the woman Daniel was struggling not to keep in his arms, which was more or less futile and made even less possible as Vala came to rest her head on his shoulder. She sighed and raised one of her hands and started to play with a button on his shirt.

"I think that should be obvious. I'm here to, you know, Stargate things"

"Things?"

"Yes. Things! And you?"

Daniel didn't really know how he would explain this, every explanation he could possibly think of sounded lame. "This is not what it looks like!"

"I see," Jack didn't really sound convinced, "what is it?"

"An accident" Vala answered, "I claim complete responsibility.." Daniel looked down on her. Did he hear correct? Was she actually admitting to the mess she got him stuck in, literally speaking? The she continued…"of being an innocent victim in Daniel's evil scam to compromise me"

"You poor man?" There was a smile lurking behind Jacks eyes that was hard to miss. Daniel cursed inwardly.

"VALA!"

"This is not his first attempt you should know."

"Daniel?" Jack looked at him inquiringly.

It was then that Daniel realised that Jack had not seen the reason as to why they were standing so close. He had not seen either his or Vala's harnesses. _Oh Lord, he thinks I am standing in a dark hallway fondling my co-worker_!!!

"She hooked us up." He turned as much as he could without falling over, her, again and pointed to harnesses and the hook that joined them.

"Why?" Jack appeared confused. _Well, he's not the only one._

"Don't ask me, ask her!"

"Well," Vala began, " I was trying these on, and, well, things didn't go as planned…"

"I can see that."

Vala started to get restless. She almost whined.

"Daniel. Your office!"

"You in a hurry?"

"Well, we need to…"

"Continue?"

"Well, yes, we should perhaps go to my office.."

"Excellent idea Danny boy. You two do that and, hrm, enjoy?"

"Jack, we're not…"

"…in the air force…so you can do whatever. Lucky you!" then he added with his more serious General voice, "just perhaps not in the hallway. There are cameras you know!"

"Seriously, Jack, there is nothing going on, eh, between us, here."

"I'm not blind. Weren't you on a date a while back?"

"It was not A DATE! I don't know how many times I'm going to have to say this; it was a dinner between two friends and co-workers. It was my way of expressing my appreciation…"

Vala interjected, "for my superbly, well rounded a…" Before she could continue, Daniel interrupted, "…for her good work. Nothing else!"

Jack did his best Teal'c impression and raised one eyebrow without giving a verbal reply, as if to say '_indeed_?'

"Daniel, do try not to get too excited. It is affecting our balance." He steadied himself, and her, against the wall. "He's somewhat apprehensive talking about it, so we don't." Smilingly she raised a finger over her mouth as to indicate it was a secret not spoken about. Then she winked.

"I see." Jack returned her smile. "Carry on children." With that, he left them standing in the hallway, still embracing, still hooked-up.

"Could we go now?" Vala poked one finger at the base of his throat. Daniel took a deep breath. "Why do these things keep happening to me?"

"You're a trouble magnet?"

"The only trouble I seem to attract is YOU!"

"And what an attractive couple we'd make."

"We're not a couple! We work together. We have never been on a date! I only got up early this morning so that I wouldn't have to see you!"

"Daniel, you're getting excited again and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to keep my balance. That is, if you're not planning to fall over me again. It could be arranged." She did a suggestive movement with her hips and the only thing he could do to stop her was to steady them. She felt his hands take a firm grip on her hips.

"Oh!" She nuzzled closer and gave him a brief kiss where his pulse was beating, faster, and faster.

"Don't. Do that again and I'll..."

"You'll what?"

"I'll…"

"Beat me up? Already done that darling and I beat you down. Tie me up? Well, you've tried that, to no use I might add. Although you've never used my pink handcuffs...Perhaps you're thinking of leaving me on a deserted planet without a Stargate? I did manage to get back from a distant galaxy far, far away, so have no doubt I'll find you, one way or the other to take my revenge. And what a sweet revenge it would be. And don't even think about letting the next bounty hunter that comes knocking gift wrap me for the Lucian alliance. They won't be half as happy to see me as you are right now."

"Maybe I'll take you up on your offer just to shut you up." Daniel glared at her.

Vala laughed. "Sorry darling, but that is one thing that won't shut me up. But, just for clarification...is that a threat or a promise?"

He sighed. It was useless. She was relentless and no matter what he did or what he said, she would just do whatever it was she wanted, at least in regards to him. He couldn't help but feel trapped, figuratively and, especially at this particular moment, literally. However, the worst of it was that he wasn't sure if filled him with dread or anticipation. "Let's go."


	3. Chapter 3

"Would you like me to….?"

"NO!"

"If I put my hand here…?"

"Don't touch!"

"But I want to hold it."

"It's not something you can play with."

"It's not like I can damage it. It's already, you know, crooked."

"Nevertheless…We need to take one step at a time."

"I am!"

"No, you're not. You're skipping, two, three steps at the time."

"I'm so not…it's not my fault you're slow!" Vala muttered, "In more ways than one."

Daniel sighed. "I'm doing this in the most normal pace possible. If you don't slow down, I'm going to end up on top of you."

"Go ahead! It's not like I haven't been trying."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"I already know you're heavy. You've already been on top, remember?"

_How c__an I possibly forget_?

"By the, way can't I be on top?"

"Would you stand STILL!!!!" His voice strained Daniel's patient was dissolving, fast.

"Hey! We're still upright so, I guess I must be something right. But, perhaps you're right, we should probably wait until we're in your office before we make a repeat performance….did you know that you have the softest skin, right here?!"

"Vala. Don't touch me…"

"Little late for that!"

"…there."

Sam had an early morning in her lab, working on the final kinks in a new weapons prototype, when she heard Daniel and Vala in the corridor outside. _What in the name of all things holy are they up to_? Sam got up from her desk. There was something going on between the two of them, Daniel and Vala, more so than usual. The incident with Vala's clip a few days ago, and now this. _I feel as though I'm eavesdropping again. But then again, I'm in my office so_…She opened the door.

Daniel and Vala were standing almost right outside. They were locked in what seemed to be a tight embrace.

"Daniel?" Sam gazed at the couple.

"Sam!" _Damn_!

Vala turned her head. "Oh, Samantha. Did we disturb you? I'm so sorry if we did. We're on our way to Daniel's office."

Sam felt slightly embarrassed having cough them…doing something that SGC personnel weren't really supposed to be doing…at least not to each other. Although, neither of them was in the air force, so… _Lucky them_!

Sam almost jumped two feet when Daniel yelled, "What did I tell you. Don't touch it!"

"But Daniel!" Vala's hands were grapping the hook that joined them. It wasn't so much her hand doing more damage to it, but that by holding the hook, she not only compromised their balance, but also him. It made, well, matters worse.

Hoarsely he continued, directing himself to Sam, while forcibly holding Vala's hand behind her back. "We just met Jack."

"Really…?!" Sam tried not to look too eager or too happy about that little piece of information. "I should…" she indicated back to her lab, "…and you should, eh, have that taken care of."

Vala smiled. "I'm working on it."

Vala stopped to struggle and Daniel released her hands. "Could we continue now please?"

"Sure, I'm not the one stopping to chat every five seconds."

"It's not like I could have said nothing."

"Why not?"

"Because!"

"That's not an answer."

"Well, it's the only one you're gone get. So, keep you hands to yourself and take one step at a time."

"I heard you the first time!"

"You could have fooled me!"

They continued their banter as they slowly, but still upright, disappeared behind a corner. Sam went back into her lab for a moment and located a mirror. What was it with Daniel and alien women? Did he prefer them or did they prefer him? She wasn't sure which alternative portrayed him in the best light. She glanced at herself one more time, satisfied with the result, she hurried out from her lab in search of, well, someone.


	4. Chapter 4

Rounding a corner, Daniel exclaimed;

"Why didn't we call someone?"

"You have a phone?" Vala punched him in the arm. "Why the hell didn't you use it?"

"No, I don't have a phone," he said in a matter of fact voice. "There are phones all over the place. In basically all corridors."

"You know where these are located?" Vala looked at him intently. "Yes, tell me Daniel, why didn't YOU call?"

He muttered something intelligibly. Vala answered by bury one of her heels in the nearest foot she could find that was not her own.

"Ouch! What the hell Vala…" Daniels voice rose a pitch.

"It's not my fault that you're clumsy."

"Clumsy? You stepped on my foot!" Instinctively he tried to reach it with his hand.

"Serves you right, " she muttered.

"Now WHAT! Care to enlighten me why?"

"Not particularly." She sighed deeply and adopted a bored expression. "I have nor the time, nor the inclination."

"For the love of….Just keep on walking!" Daniel took her shoulders in a tight grip and gently pushed her forward.

"There's a phone over there." She made a gesture with her head to indicate its direction. Daniel ignored her.

"WALK"

"What about the phone?"

"NOW!"

"Don't get you panties in a twist. I'm moving! See, one step and then another."

"Congratulation," Daniel added sarcastically, "you have mastered the art of walking."

Two corridors later, Vala concluded: "I think we've been here before."

"No we haven't."

"Well, we all know that a sense in direction is a rare commodity in a man, geographic or, eh otherwise." She looked around. "I'm sure…"

Daniel pushed her forward.

"Hey! Could I finish?"

"Doing what? Walking? By all means, continue."

"How generous of you Daniel. I do hope that applies to all your lady friends. No one like a selfish man."

"Now what?" Daniel was annoyed.

"Nothing." She said innocently. "I'm just saying. It wouldn't kill you to be, eh a bit more considerate."

Daniel grit his teeth. "Right. So, what may I do for you today Vala?"

Smilingly, she answered. "That's the spirit! Had you been this helpful the first time we met I am sure I wouldn't have been so disappointed."

"Disappointed? You kicked me in the nuts!"

"Well, it wasn't as though you were offering to do anything else with them." Offended she added, "…despite my, more than generous offer!"

"I'm not having this conversation with you."

"I think you already are."

"Keep walking!"

"…but I think I saw a phone!"

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did."

"Walk!"

"It's all we do. I want some action! I didn't join the SGC just to be in your 'little' club."

"Then why did you?"

"Isn't that rather self-explanatory?" Vala let her gaze fall to the hook that joined them.

Daniel continued to stare above her shoulder. "No."

"Sometime you're really dense. You know that, don't you Daniel."

"Nope. Sorry. Like you said. To dense."

"I shouldn't have to tell you."

"Why not? I'm not a bloody mind reader!"

Vala muttered. "Like I didn't figure that out during the first two seconds."

Daniel stopped and exhaled loudly. "What do you want from me Vala? This is starting to get quite exhausting."

"I don't know," she said thoughtfully. "Just what every other former Goa'uld Queen with daddy issues want. A nice little ha'tak, some gold trinkets hidden away in a safe place, and enough Goa'uld technology to last a lifetime."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"No, but it is all the answer you're going to get. For now."

"This is ridiculous!"

"I hope you're not referring to me? The you're equally ridiculous." Vala looked up into Daniels face.

"THIS! The entire situation." He shook his head as in disbelief.

"Why?" Vala met his gaze and Daniel rose and eyebrow. "Well, ok. It could perhaps be described as somewhat less than not funny."

"That doesn't make sense." Daniel shook his head.

"To you perhaps, but to everyone else it does. If there's one thing clear, it is that you're not like anyone else."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Daniel let his irritation show.

"You know….eh, you're Daniel."

"Right…?"

"Well, there's only one Daniel. You. So…"

"Your point being?"

"That was my…point."

Daniel sighed. Vala leaned closer and whispered in his hear. "Is that your, uhm, point I am feeling?"

A reddish shade spread across his face. He coughed. "I, eh, have my keys in my pockets." Vala gave him her sweetest smile in return and offered no verbal reply, but a condescending pat on his shoulder. Daniel shifted uncomfortably.

At the end of the corridor, Daniel forced them to stop and he looked around thoughtfully.

"Hrm. Now where are we?"

Vala looked at him in surprise. "You don't know where we are? You have been roaming these halls for the past decade and still can't find your way?"

"I have had other things on my mind…"

"You know Daniel, the whole 'I-died-and-became-a-higher-lifeform-then-turend-human-post-Merlin's-consiousness-downloaded-into-my-brain' is starting to get old."

"THAT wasn't what I meant."

"So, what else?"

"What?"

"What's been on your mind?"

"Eh…like, now…there's, you know, this." He refused to meet her eye.

"I can understand that my alluring presence makes you dim-witted. It happens to the best of you." She patted him condescendingly on the shoulder. "But, you see Daniel, you were supposed to steer us in the right direction, to where we might find the appropriate tools to help us, eh, disengage."

"What's your point?"

"My point is that that you've dragged me around without a clear plan on where we're heading."

"I have...a plan."

"Eh, sure you have."

"I do. I have a plan. I know where we're heading."

Vala took another look around and then cracked a sunny smile.

"I'm relieved. And to think that for once, we're on the same page. This is certainly progress Daniel."

"Eh, what?"

"That's my door over there."

"What to you mean?"

"Just what I said. That door over there leads to my quarters." She took a tight grip around his waist.

"Hrm, your door?"

"Oh yes."

"Well…"

"So, this plan of yours, where exactly had you intended it to lead?"

"Somewhere?" He wasn't sure what to say.

"I see." Vala nuzzled closer and Daniel could feel her breath at the base of his throat and he shifted uncomfortably.

"You really should not be doing that…"

"So, do you?"

"What?"

"Want to?"

"…to do what?"

"To boldly go where no Tauri has ever been before?"

He felt as though she had stepped on his other foot and punched him in the gut at the same time. Ha coughed nervously.

"This is not Star Trek."

"But it's a close encounter, of sorts, and in good Kirk spirit you should really not let the alien down."

"I…do I have a choice?" He looked down at the hook.

"Theoretically yes, but technically…no." She followed his gaze and then searched his face.

"Right. So, do you….have a pair of scissors?"

"No."

"A knife?"

"No." She added thoughtfully, "though, not because of a lack of trying."

"Right…"

"Anyhow, I think we'll manage anyway." She gave him a smile that sent shivers down his spine. "Don't forget those keys of yours. I think we're going to need them."

Then she opened the door and Daniel, well, he sighed, steeled himself for what would come, sighed once more and gave in to the inevitably.


End file.
